I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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