So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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