i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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