so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
