She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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