He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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