we're blogging at a bar
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
