Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
