does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
