Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
