Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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