I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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