i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's Friday. Sex?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize