i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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