Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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