can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
