Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
