no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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