I wish I could teleport
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
