Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
