everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
