my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
