I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
