do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
