his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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