Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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