I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
