i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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