Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
