TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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