i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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