i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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