Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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