he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
