Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
