So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
