haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
either way he was missing a nipple.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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