Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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