People in love make me want to vomit
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
