I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
