The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
