You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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