Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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