direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize