He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
