i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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