I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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