good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
