Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
