been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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