four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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