he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
