so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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