I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
