I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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