He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
