Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
