Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
