: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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