BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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