i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
