I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
