I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
