yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
