he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
